(Best Ever Computer Tech not an Ordinary Nerd)


Watching Bat fink had inspired me, this morning I felt like Daddy Cool. The only idea I got for revenge from the show was to get a cross bow and shoot the boss. But there was no way I could get one of those into the office stuffed down my pants without anyone noticing, and it wasn’t Dastardly Dave’s way. Dave the cardboard box could do it, he had no conscience at all, but there was no way I could get an inanimate object to fire a crossbow.


When I got to the office, I really put on my cool dude walk, the receptionist was there as usual, so I said ‘wazup Daug’. She went mental ‘How dare you call me a dog’ she screamed, followed by a stream of abusive words mostly about pigs and faecal matter. I had to increase the pace of my cool walk and get the hell out of there, she was crazy.


Back to the job in hand, my plan was to blackmail the boss for a 10kg box of snickers, but I needed something on him otherwise he would never pay up. The best place to find dirt was gossip, and the best place for gossip was the marketing department, that lot never shut up. I decided to hang around the water cooler near marketing, I saw a movie once where people used to go to the water cooler to gossip, so this must be a good tactic. I went into my best cool standing position and before long some marketing types came over for a drink. They were talking about some daft singing show on TV, then one of them looked at me and said ‘get lost creep’ so I marked her card, little did she know that IT guys hold all the power.


Plan B was to pretend to do some IT work under peoples desks and eavesdrop. However that would be too much like hard work, certainly not the Becton way. So I went back to my desk via the mobile burger van. Not many people go to the mobile burger van, they say it is health hazard, but I find the food is fine and quite often they give me extra food for next to nothing as it is past the use by date.


Back at my desk the first job is to get my own back on the marketing girl who called me a creep, I should really get back at the receptionist as well, but she scares me too much. I think the marketing girl is called Margaret or Katrina, something like that. A quick logon to the system, find every person called Margaret and Katrina and hit the delete button. Now it’s time for second lunch.


When I get back there is pandemonium, it is believed there is a virus in the network that is randomly deleting peoples accounts. Time for me to keep a low profile, I am pretty sure they can’t trace it back to me, so I will let nature take its course, and sneak away early while everyone is busy.


I will need to re-evaluate my plan for revenge on the boss, I hope Bat fink comes through with the goods tonight.


Next time, plan C and D and E