(Best Ever Computer Tech not an Ordinary Nerd)


I don’t like Thursdays, in fact I don’t like any days which I can’t spend on the couch. The IT department was doing its normal thing, I have no idea what that actually is, but hopefully everyone else does. The boss looked a mess; I heard his wife had thrown him out because she heard he was having an affair with someone from marketing. He had been sleeping on someone’s couch for the last week, and it was obvious he wasn’t the sort of person that can sleep well in such situations.


Suddenly men in dark suits came into the office, lots of them, this should be interesting, I thought. They took one of the programmers away and the boss too, then two of the suits came over to my desk as said “ can you come with us Mr Becton’ This can’t be good, the guys in suits didn’t look particularly friendly either. I was put in a car and taken to a large building in the city, where they took me upstairs and put me in a room on my own. It was pretty obvious to me this was a police interrogation room, but why was I here? I had done a few slightly dodgy things recently but not enough for the police to be involved. I needed to figure out how I was going to handle this, either deny everything or try to set someone else up. I had learned from Starsky and Hutch, that police always had a good cop and bad cop in interrogations. But why on earth do they do that? Curse you Starsky and Hutch, you didn’t teach me anything.


After an hour of waiting, two people came in, one man and one woman; they made their introductions and claimed they knew what I had done. So I asked them who the bad cop was, as I couldn’t figure it out. The man said they were both bad cops from my point of view. That didn’t help me at all. The woman said that two days ago, there were several transfers of large amounts of cash into certain bank accounts, and all the transactions were made from my computer terminal. Then it dawned on me, I was logged onto the finance system when I was making my moves on the girl next to me, what was her name, Jessica or something. I was just randomly typing, but I must have done a whole bunch of money transfers, that’s quite impressive, I will congratulate myself later, in the meantime I need to get out of this mess.


So I told them all about my Jailbird girlfriend Jessica and how good at hacking she was, so it must have been her. Both cops disappeared and came back 10 minutes later, they said I was free to go. They had done some checks that revealed there was no way I was smart enough to have done all this, they laughed at me that I didn’t even know my so called girlfriends name. ‘Her name is Joanne, dumbass’ they said, she is in a jail cell across town awaiting trial for various crimes, so this will just be another one to add to the list. I didn’t think Joanne would mind, she was going to prison anyway, so this would not make any difference. I will send her a cake and let her know I will wait for her to be released, as long as she doesn’t get too old.


A minibus arrives to take me back to work, inside are 7 others from the company, including my boss, none of them look very happy. ‘That bloody Joanne’ I say, ‘she really had us all fooled’ There were some nods of agreement but no one spoke. Miserable gits I think, they all got off didn’t they.


Back at the office I decide to congratulate myself on my cunningness, not smart enough to have ripped off the company eh! Well I certainly was, and I fooled the cops as well. That super high IQ score is really paying off. So I go and empty half the vending machine of its chocolate bars, I didn’t have any more money otherwise I would have completely emptied it. The boss came up to me and said, ‘Hi Becton it’s been a tough day for all of us you can go home early to get over the stress of it all’. I was off in flash, couch time with chocolate bars was calling, I will get around to that cake for Joanne later, much later.


Next time

The fire drill, Becton’s way