The long Computer
Becton (Best Ever Computer Tech not an Ordinary Nerd)
It had been a busy day at work, at least it was for everyone else in the IT department. Becton had found himself a nice little cupboard to hide in for 40 winks, or was it 80! Either way the chaos was over once I had woken up, so now it was time to unwind. There was a little bar I sometimes frequent just up the road, so I figured the 3 minutes’ walk would be adequate for my exercise for the day, and headed on over. It was a dimly lit place, full of friendly women who wore very few clothes, this was Becton’s kind of place.
After 10 minutes or so, checking out the friendly women, and having a few beers a guy with a big smile and an expensive suit came up to me an started talking, well I have to admit I am no expert on Suits, It may not be expensive, but it was clean, so this must be person of substance. He said his name was Adam, and he was a successful businessman, currently running an IT company. Ah this was Becton’s speciality, so I told him I was head of IT at Mallard, Mallard and Duck, which was sort of true. Adam seemed quite interested when I told him this. He said his company was called ‘The lounge computer’. He had named it that to show how easy and relaxing it was dealing with his company, just like relaxing in the lounge. He went on to say he had built and sold 3 successful marking companies in Hong Kong, so he knew what he was talking about. This guy must be some sort a genius I thought. Then Adam said his business was growing so fast he needed someone to manage the Technical team, would I like the job, which also included a company car. I had never been offered a job before, I normally had to bribe or blackmail someone, so this was an offer too good to miss, with a car as well. I didn’t have a driving licence, but it would look good parked outside my flat, a real status symbol. I doubt that those drones at Mallard Mallard and Duck would even notice I was gone, so I said yes, I can start tomorrow. Adam shook my hand, and said he would offer me lift home in his Ferrari, but it only had two seats and he said he would most likely have a girl to take home by the end of the night. I didn’t care, this was a great day, Becton was finally moving up in the world.
The next morning I put on my cleanest shirt and took the bus to my new place of ‘getting to boss people around’. There was a big sign outside that said ‘The Long computer’, but the address was correct so I went in. The Office was small, with pieces of computers all over the place, I couldn’t even see the carpet as there was so much stuff scattered across it. This was what a real computer company was all about I thought. Adam appeared from a door in the corner and called me over. He had an office which was bigger than the first Office, but was tidy with a big leather chair, loads of open space and a view of the road outside.
I asked Adam why the sign outside said ‘The Long Computer’ but he just dismissed it, he said everyone knew that it was ‘The lounge computer’, the sign was just semantics. I had heard of Symantec, so I said I knew all about their anti-virus products, in an attempt to impress him, I guess they also make Long computers as well, but I couldn’t think of a comment to make about that. Long computers must be the way the industry in going, as it was clear Adam knew his stuff.
Adam told me is business was so successful because of the systems he had built, so he didn’t even need to be here, but he was working 16 hours a day, because he was so driven to build another successful business, then he pointed to a small desk in the corner of the first office, said that was mine and he had some important work to do now, and I should just get on with it.
I found a chair to go with my desk, and pushed everything piled on my desk onto the floor. I wondered if I was going to get one of these long computers to use, but that could wait. I was the boss of the technical team, so it was time to meet my minions and stamp my authority all over them. One of the guys was very small, one was very big, one was very young and the other was scary looking. I asked them where everyone else was, but the small one said that was all of them. Ok Becton I thought, start small, this is sure to grow in no time, and so shall my power.
I told them all that I was now their boss, and they should get back to work. I heard somewhere that managers get the most out of their minions by providing business hammocks, but I couldn’t see where to hang them. So I went back to my desk and rested for a while on my laurels, whatever that means, it must be something to do with the funny guy in the bowler had, who came on black and white TV, I think his sidekick also had a bowler hat.
Adam came out of his office and said “Hey Becton, I’ll take you out to lunch today”. It must be an executive lunch, I thought. So I spent the rest of the morning watching my minions work. They didn’t seem to do much and they never stopped complaining, that must be how IT guys work I guess, Adam’s systems must be so good they don’t have to work hard. I wondered what these systems were. Lunch time came and Adam called me as he headed for the door, good I thought, time to get away from these low lifes.
Adam took me to the car park and his car was an old ford, “where was the Ferrari I asked”. “Some stupid chick reversed into it” he said “it’s getting repaired”. So we drove off to a little café. We had some very posh sandwiches for lunch. This is the life Becton I thought, no more vending machine lunches for me. Adam told me all about how his plans, he was going to be branching out into other businesses, he had just bought a tanning studio in another state and was starting a company to import nuts from Brazil, because everyone in the nuts business was stupid. This guy is a genius I thought. After lunch Adam dropped me off at the office, and said he had to go and take care of some important business.
I went back to my desk and had a sleep, but it was uncomfortable, maybe I should get one of those business hammocks for myself. The minions kept looking at me, so I told them I was doing some management thinking, that’s what managers do, but by mid-afternoon I had had enough so left for the day, this management thing is hard work, and I was a boss now so I can leave when I like.
I decided to get a whole bucket of fried chicken for my tea, I can afford to indulge my more expensive tastes now. Well I think I can, Adam never told me what I would be getting paid, but it was bound to be loads. I checked out where I could park my new company car, maybe I would get a Ferrari too. I should really look into getting a driving licence, I wonder where I can buy one, but that can wait. Tomorrow I plan to show my minions how to fix computer problems the Becton way.
Next time Becton takes control