Becton’s new job
(Best Ever Computer Tech not an Ordinary Nerd)
I don’t like starting a new job, there are too many unknowns that take time and effort to become knowns, and effort isn’t something I like expend much of.
I was comfortable in my last job. But I had to make a quick exit, however that’s another story.
The new boss introduces me to the team. I have never understood why they say team, these people are my arch rivals to compete against in the battle of who is the smartest, there will be no teamwork. I get given a desk next to Adam, he’s a real pretty boy, no competition here. I have a theory that intelligence is inversely proportional to good looks, I’m sure this can even be proved mathematically. However there are exceptions to this rule, yours truly for instance, and if I ever get a girlfriend she I am sure she will also be one of these rare exceptions.
Adam would be a pushover, so I lean across an tell him I have an IQ of 210, that will give me the psychological advantage. He laughs and says “yeah right” but I know he is scared. I didn’t actually finish the IQ test, I had answered some of the questions, but it was nearly lunchtime and the mobile kebab van had just pulled up. My official score was 105, but I figured I had taken about half the test, so it was only logical that I should double the score.
I knew I had to make an impressions on my first day but I didn’t want to do too much, otherwise they would always expect me to save the day with my brilliance. I get given a job to re-index the CRM database, what on earth does that mean! I am sure it is nothing of any importance, and it’s almost lunch time so I just mark the job as complete, then head off to get my standard Monday lunch of 4 cheeseburgers and an extra large milkshake. On returning to nerd central, there is a lot of activity, the CRM had crashed and the boss in panicking. I quickly go back to the job ticket I had earlier and change the ‘completed by’ name to Adam, then pretend I am busy, while I just spend time looking up this evenings TV guide. There’s a rerun of Buffy the vampire slayer, excellent.
The computer department quietens down, so I guess the problem has been resolved. Adam gets called into the bosses office, silly boy, he should have paid more attention when I told him my IQ score. I didn’t get to make an impression but at least I avoided taking the blame for causing a major problem, I’m sure it was nothing to do with me anyway, and there is always tomorrow to show everyone what an IT guru I am.
Becton will be back next week, watch this space (or a space close by)