Becton handles a complaint
Becton (Best Ever Computer Tech not an Ordinary Nerd)
Ah, another day another dollar, at least I think it is, Adam hasn’t paid me anything yet, but I’m sure he will, he’s such a great guy. The office was its usual busy self, the technicians were complaining, the BDMs were doing secret stuff and Igor seemed to be groaning. Today I thought I would rest on my Laurels, I had been in the job over two weeks now, so I think I deserve a rest, now I have minions, there should be no reason for me to work at all.
After a bit of daydreaming about huge medieval feasts, I noticed a new person come into the office, and she came over to me and said “hello”, was I still daydreaming! Women never do this. I was told it was something to do with the feral moans I produce, but I didn’t think I moaned much and especially not in a feral way. “Hi I’m Eva Goldstein the company accountant, well I’m not actually an accountant, that’s what Adam calls me, I am really the book keeper, but I’m not really a book keeper either”. “Adam offered me this job because he said Jews are the best people to handle finance, but I’m not even Jewish, and I know nothing about finance, I used to work in the baked bean factory checking labels on the cans, but Adam wouldn’t listen, but this job pays better than the baked bean factory, so I accepted”. “So you can pay me” I said, “Sure” replied Eva, “once there is some money in the bank account, Adam keeps taking it out as soon as we get anything in”. This must be some business or finance thing that I don’t get I thought, so I just nodded and said “I see”.
The young tech called out my name and said there was client on the phone who wanted to speak to the person in charge. “That’s me” I said loudly, “I’m the person in charge”. The person on the phone didn’t sound too friendly. “One of your so called technicians came out here last week to fix a computer and it’s now worse than before, and three more of our computers no longer work, every time I call you people about it nothing gets done”. “What are you going to do about it”? “I’m Becton” I said “I can fix anything” so I put the phone down, time for lunch I thought, it was hungry work being a boss.
A long and lazy lunch was the order of the day, but I was back in the office by 3. The small tech came up to me and said, “Megan has called 3 times asking for you” “who the hell is that” I replied. “Megan Simons, you spoke to her earlier, she wants to know what you are doing about the problems they are having”. “What do you think I should do?” I asked the small tech. “I don’t know” he said. “Ok, if she calls again, just say Becton has it in hand”.
The Gong sounded, and things started to fall off the shelves, or maybe they weren’t on the shelf in the first place, I couldn’t tell, but my ears were hurting from the noise. “I caught a big fish” shouted David Chew from next to the gong. “What did you catch Chewy” called the big tech. “8 servers and 50 new computers, plus the installation” he replied “a $95,000 deal, I have already booked my holiday to Hawaii”. “Bloody sales” I heard the techs moan, “every time they sell something they get paid a commission but we have to do all the work”. Well as long as they don’t expect Becton to be doing the work, it doesn’t bother me I thought.
Old Bill came up to my desk, and said “That could have been me, I was so close today, old Gill would have been proud”. “Who old Gill?” I asked. “The wife, but I don’t know for how much longer.” “Why is she sick” I asked. “Yes sick of me” replied Bill “it was the same for my other 10 wives, six months and they are gone”. “This guy must be chick magnate I thought, being able to get that many women, Becton can learn a lot from this guy.
The young tech called over “its Megan on the phone for you” That woman is real pain, why can’t she just go away I thought, Becton has more important things to do, like learning Old Bill’s secrets. “Tell her I’m busy” I said.
While I was trying to figure out how to be best buddies with Old Bill, Adam came into the office, this was unusual as he hadn’t been seen for two weeks. The Dog Biscuit tanning salon must need a lot of work, or he was opening new tanning salons, I wondered if they would all be called the dog biscuit, I liked the name. “Hi everyone” he called out “are you all having an absolutely fantastic day, I certainly am, isn’t it great to be part of such a great team”. Most people looked at him with blank looks. “I’ve been checking out our completion and we are by far the best IT company in the whole country” he went on, “maybe even the world, and it’s because we have the best team that there could ever be”. I thought he may be talking about a football team, but no one was dressed to play, maybe the game was later.
The big tech was on the phone talking heatedly, when he finished he said Megan Simons has cancelled their support services with us. Adam heard this and smiled broadly, he looked a bit like that Grim reaper fellow, except with a face and not dressed in black. “That’s great news” he said. “They are on a 10 year contract, they will need to pay us a fortune and we don’t have to do a thing for it”. He looked at me and said “that’s how you do Business Becton, only suckers work to get paid, I have a brilliant lawyer, Gareth Forsyth-Smythe, I will get him on the case to make sure they pay us by the end of the month, then we can all get bonuses”. “Now what other good news have you got for me?”
I had to think for a while, then remembered David’s sale “Chewey got a sale” I said “a big one”. “Excellent” replied Adam “onward and upward, onward and upward” he chanted as he went over to his office and closed the door behind him.
Well Becton I thought to myself, you are pretty good at this job, as I was in charge it must be because of me that we have had such success. This calls for a celebration, but that could wait, first I had to go and become best friends with Old Bill, to learn the secrets of his success with the ladies, it has to be better that the online Russian girls, unless that was his secret, no it couldn’t be, I remembered Bill didn’t know how to use a computer.
Becton fixes a computer