A Becton Christmas
(Best Ever Computer Tech not an Ordinary Nerd)
I don’t like Christmas, people are too happy, and there were always lots of parties that I never got invited to. I doubt I would have gone anyway as I don’t like any of the people, at any party. I think that Humbug guy, what was his name? He had the right idea that was before those meddling ghosts went and ruined the poor bloke. All I want for Christmas is absolute power over everything, and if I can’t have that, then power over the IT department. But I no longer believe in Santa and magic beans so the only way I can get what I want is to get it myself.
I had to come up with a way to get everyone senior to me fired, which was pretty much everyone in the department, then I would inherit the boss’s seat by default. There would be a minor problem of me being the only one in the department, but that was HRs problem to hire new staff. The problem now was Christmas, no one gets fired at Christmas no matter what they do, so I was going to have to play the waiting game.
Being naturally evil was the Becton way, it was genetic or something like that, so I just had to do what my Jeans were telling me and not fight it. I didn’t like fighting anyway, I always lost which was never any fun, so now I just battle people with my superior intellect!
First thing on my to do list today was to buy a pair of Jeans, my old ones smelled so bad that I got banned from every shop in the Mall. I needed a new pair that were cool and didn’t smell, so they could guide me in the ways of the evil Becton.
I was looking on eBay for my new Jeans when one of the DBAs tapped me on the shoulder pushed a hat toward me and said “It’s for Chris Kringle”. I had no idea who Chris Kringle was, but I guessed he must be sick or something, so I put all my loose change in the hat. “What the hell are you doing” said the DBA “It’s for Chris” I said, “I hope he gets better soon”.
“Becton you are a complete idiot, you take a name from the hat and buy them a gift, someone else will pick your name and will get you something” Because of my mistake I wasn’t thinking straight, so I took a name from the hat and all my change as well. Once my mind cleared I saw my mistake, I have to spend money on a gift, but I would end up getting something I most likely would not want, that was crazy. The only way this would work in my favour would be to spend very little money on the gift, so it was back to eBay, the jeans could wait.
It didn’t take too long before I found a used pair of ladies shoes for $5 ‘perfect’ they look expensive but were not. They arrived the next day so I wrapped then up, I had better put the person’s name on it who they were for I thought, so I found the name card from the hat, it said Peter B, he was one of the Helpdesk guys, hopefully he was a cross dresser otherwise this gift would not be so good. But as it was all anonymous no one would know if was me.
Christmas Eve came around and it was time to do the Chris Kringle thing, the boss got everyone together and started handing out the gifts, there was some daft ones, electric parrots that would swear when someone walked past, a donut maker and someone even got a blow up doll. It then came to Peter Bs turn, he was less than impressed with the ladies shoes, but everyone else fell about laughing, and making comments about how they would go well with his new dress. It seemed my gift was a good one after all. Soon it was my turn, I unwrapped the present only to find a massive can of deodorant. There was a lot of laughing, I didn’t know why, but I thought the deodorant would be good to keep my new jeans smelling nice, and they would let me in the shops at the Mall again.
That night I went back onto eBay to find some jeans, they would be my Christmas present from me to me. I also got a couple of Merry Christmas emails from the Russian girls, but I was over them now and deleted the messages. “Humbug” I said to myself, now I just had to make sure I didn’t get hassled by any ghosts during the night.