Becton (Best Ever Computer Tech not an Ordinary Nerd)


I hate it when a plan doesn’t come together, it means more work for me. I could just give up which is my normal course of action, but not this time. Stealing food from Becton is personal, oh yes, I will have my revenge. I need to up my game a bit though, copying Batfink is just not going to cut it anymore, I need the big guns now. so I sit down for an evening with the ‘A team’, and ‘the six million dollar man’. I have done some calculations and with a constant increase in the inflation rate 20 years from now I will be earning 1 Million dollars a month. So I plan to save hard then pay Oscar Goldman a visit, I should be able to get the same deal Steve Austin got, and with my Bionic limbs and eye I am going to be unstoppable. I’ve been marking off the days in my calendar for the last five years, everything comes to he who waits.


Ten hours later I realise I am not going to get an good ideas from Steve Austin, everything good he does, is with those Bionic body parts, I can’t wait 20 years before getting my revenge on the boss. The A team however had lots of cunning plans. I write down three and call them Tom, Dick and Harry, then pick one and leave the others as they require AK47s and rocket launchers, which I don’t have at the moment.


The next day I sneak into work through the service door, I really don’t want to have to see that crazy receptionist again. That can be my next project, get the receptionist fired, ha ha. I am only an hour late today so no one should notice. The first part of my plan is to hijack the bosses email, So I can find out his wife’s email address. Working in the IT support department makes that pretty easy, if you know what you are doing. So I ask the girl at the next desk, Suzy, I think her name is, how to do it. It turns out Suzy knows exactly how to hijack email, I must remember to put her on my Christmas card list, I could form an alliance with her. It’s obvious she likes me as she answered my question and didn’t call me anything derogatory. Things are looking up for Becton.


It doesn’t take long to get the email address of the bosses wife, it could be his mums or sister though, they all have the same last name, but I reckon I am right, as I usually am. Next I write a highly erotic email that looks like it is from the bitch in marketing, what was her name, Molly, or something, to the boss, but I send it to his wife. Mad Murdock did something similar, except not with email as they didn’t have any back then. Anyway this was sure to cause much grief for the boss.


Everyone starts to get up from their desks and go to the kitchen, so I follow. There was big chocolate cake on the table with candles, it turned out it was the bosses Birthday. He is going to get more than one surprise today I snigger. Everyone sings Happy Birthday and he cuts the cake, there is some chatter as the cake is handed out and someone asks the boss why he is not eating any. He says he is lactose intolerant, I have no idea what that means but he follows up and says he can’t eat any dairy foods. My planet sizes brain starts to whir and after just a few minutes it dawns on me, that he couldn’t have eaten the snickers, I made a mistake. Oh well it’s the getting revenge that counts, it may have been on the wrong person but that is not important, mission accomplished, the plan has come together.


Next time Becton tries to get a date(with Suzy)